Tip: Start build connection before it gets awkward

You know when you walk into a café, make eye contact with someone and they smile?

I call that a micro-connection.

If someone escalates the micro-connection with a simple “Hello” you can expand that micro-connection into acquaintence.

But if nobody escalates in time, it’ll get awkward. The micro-connection will turn to disconnection, and one or both parties will begin to actively avoid eye contact.

After the disconnection, the energy required to reactivate that micro-connection goes sky high.

This is called a “Threshold Moment.”

Threshold moments occur when we enter a new environment. During a threshold moment our brain is checking the environment to see if we want to connect. The time for connection is limited.

I started thinking about this several years ago. I was on my way to meet with an executive and someone held the door for me. I thanked him.

“Can you tell me how to find the cafeteria?”

I stopped and introduced myself.

Monday was his first day at work. It was Thursday. Nobody had shown him the cafeteria yet. He had nobody to eat with on his fourth day of work.

I sent a text to the exec that I had to cancel, and I’d fill her in later. And I brought this new-hire to lunch.

When I next saw the executive I told her the story. She started to cry. “I can’t believe my business is treating people this way.”

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My framework for a High-Performing Team has 4 pillars:

1️⃣ Build COHESION within the team

2️⃣ Get them ALIGNED on a common goal

3️⃣ Create and protect PSYCHOLOGICAL SAFETY

4️⃣ Build TRANSPARENT PROCESSES which facilitate focus and execution

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Cohesion cannot happen without connection.

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High-performing teams welcome their new teammates right off the bat.

They actively forge those connections and start to build cohesion and safety.

With that safety established, they’ll more quickly get aligned, and start to share their ideas and learn through phrases like “I don’t know”.

I have two teammates starting in 2 months. We will obviously have lunch together on their first day. And several dinners in that early period.

And we’re going to spend several hours with this “User Manual Canvas” from Nicola Schoonderwoerd:

​Nicola Schoonderwoerd’s “User Manual Canvas” on LinkedIn​

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Ciao,

Evan

Evan Hickok

Evan Hickok has over twenty years of experience designing and managing high-complexity systems in high-consequence environments. As a Systems Engineer and Program Manager, he has guided projects through every phase of the product life cycle—from concept, detailed design, transition to production, production, installation & activation, and operational support. A dedicated researcher of team dynamics, Evan focuses on building high-performing teams capable of delivering exceptional results in the most challenging environments. He shares his insights and frameworks in the Lighthouse Leadership newsletter, published almost weekly at evanhickok.com.

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